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IT'S NOT A BAD THING TO BE A BOOTIE CALL

2009-11-10T21:35:00.000-08:00

It's not really, as long as you know you’re a bootie call. The problems arise when we think we are more than a sexual thing for that man. If we are looking at the situation through rose colored glasses and don't face up to reality, we are looking for heartache. Being a bootie call gives you some options to look at. One your'e getting your groove on. Secondly it can gives you time to maybe date and don't feel that you now have to jump into bed with the wannabe boyfriend. And last but not least it gives you time get to know your knew friend. You can make being a bootie call advantageous for you, when they call make sure they bring over dinner, wine or a little something for you. Luxuriate in having good, great or awesome sex. It gives you a glow about you which is very attractive and a turn on for many men. Perhaps you don’t have time for a full-fledged relationship, you have a demanding job, small children and just need some sweat my hair out then you leave sex. We all know what not having sex does to you and how better you feel when you’re getting it regular. It’s like medicine you need to take everyday. Now if you know you’re that type of women who will always catch feelings for whoever you sleep with DON’T DO IT, EVER. You will just make yourself crazy and get caught up in a soap opera with you as the star, which is NEVER a good thing. Also if you think you will make this into a relationship, think again. Most men if they already have you pegged as a bootie call that’s pretty much it for you, and they rarely make the switch. They’re very good at compartmentalizing the women in their lives. If you’re the wife, you’re in the wife box, the girlfriend, in the girlfriend box and the bootie call, well you know, “And never the twain shall meet“. Own up to being a bootie call, embrace it and your sexuality. Now if you always also end up being a bootie call, you may need to sit down and re-asses yourself and figure out what are you doing to always up in a this situation.

So take a minute to give your inner sex goodness permission to be unleashed and sitback and enjoy the ride!

HONORABLE MENTION WILL GO TO.....THE FILL-INS

2009-11-10T04:26:00.000-08:00

They deserve a shout out also, the men in between the boyfriends. I call them the fill-ins similar to the people they use at most award shows to make it seem the audience is full. They use random people to fill-in the seats usually if they don't have a good attendence. They could be thought of as the re-bound man, standby guy and the list goes on. It could be someone you like and not necessarily someone you would date in a longterm relationship. Maybe he has some qualities you like and some that you know what drive you crazy eventually. Whatever the reason is you are seeing this person it should be understood on both parts that "it is what it is". Most men don't mind being a bootie call unless that someone has real feelings for you then they should be off-limits. Also the fill-in don't necessarily have to be a bootie-call, they could be that man that you are friends with. Someone you call maybe when you feel a little lonely and you don't want to call a girlfriend, someone to go to the movies, musuems, dinner. Sometimes the re-bound man is just there to get you over the hump of your last boyfriend perhaps fine tune you for the next man. Also don't feel guilty about using a fill-in, everyone uses them from time to time. Like I mention as long as both parties are comfortable with the situation there should be no problems. Over the years we often look back affectionately at old boyfriends and possibley forget the ones we dated in between, but they are worth reminiscing about with fond memories. It may also be possible for the fill-in person to become a boyfriend, you may have over looked him before and since you are not solely focused on that other person, you may be able to appreciate him in a whole new way.

So sometime we have to think like men, they have no difficulty putting us in a box and pulling us out when needed. So flip the script and look around, that fill-in maybe just what the doctor ordered.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL

2009-11-05T08:46:00.000-08:00

What girl you say? The girl with no friends, if you know any women who doesn't have any girlfriends run in the opposite direction. We all need friends especially girlfriends, men are good to have around (can't live with them or can't live without them) but they can't really fill alot of our emotional needs, and thats where your girls come in. Who else can you talk to on the phone for hours basically about nothing, who else can you drag to macy's for a one day sale wait on line for 3 hrs just to get that wierd blue shoe that you think will go perfect with that wierd blue dress. Men are fixers, they want to hear the problem give you a solution and go about their business with the thought that they have solved the crisis 1,2,3. We on the hand need to pore over every detail of the situation, dissect it to death and then discuss it some more. If you don't have girlfriends, who are sharing your problems with? who are you getting feedback from about any and everything? who are you bouncing ideas off?. But on the flip side of that you can't have friends if you don't know how to be a friend, so maybe the reason is they don't know how to be a friend. That will be my next blog. Men they come and go,but good friends are here forever. Friends that have known you a long time are extra special, they have been with you through all you crazy situations (i.e following a cheating man), have held your hand and cried when you needed them to. Nothing can replace a good friend. So if you know of a women who has no girlfriends have pity on them, they're like infants with no emotional growth, no understanding of what they are missing. These are the women to be careful of, they have no understanding or regard for the sisterhood and may even go after your man when your back is turned. They will have lame excuses such as other women are jealous of them, they're so busy they don't have time for the drama of other women, but really, its the old "its not you its me routine" well it is really them.

So look around and embrace all your girls, and realize we need friendship like we need food and water. They keep you sane and the benefits of good friendship is endless.

LOVE HAPPENS MORE THAN ONCE

2009-11-01T13:47:00.000-08:00

I can attest to this. I have been in love 4 times and the forth time was the charm, I have been now happily married going on 5 years. I don't regret my past loves, they have all been wonderful and good men in their own right, our relationships ended for various reasons. I have been the dumper and dumbee and have no remorse about being either, both build character. Your past is the past and without it you would not be who you are. I wear my past with pride, my experiences like a favorite pin displayed on my chest for the world to see. My first boyfriend was older, had more money and willingly spent it on me. I was his PYT (pretty young thing) he flaunted me around his friends and peers like a trophy wife, and I loved every minute of it. From him I was educated on how a man should treat a women, whether it meant always holding out my chair, holding the door open or the little nuances of man with good upbringing. He taught me on what to look for in a man and have used that as a measuring stick everafter. My next boyfriend was a man of another race he taught me that being different wasn't a bad thing thing, that life was an adventure and to ride the ups and downs like a rollercoaster. He was a good boyfriend and a better friend who I could always call on for help well after we broke up. My third boyfriend was my same sign a virgo, and we were so much alike it seemed almost a little incestuous. He liked to shop, talk on the phone, he was great, we had a great time but he just wasn't ready to settle down and I had to respect that. My fourth boyfriend who is now my husband is somewhat a little of all of my past lovers all rolled into the perfect man for me. Sometimes you have to kiss many frogs to get to your prince

I met my husband a little late in life and knew he was the right one for me. So enjoy your life and all the frogs so you can appreciate and recognize your prince when he comes along, without having to kiss him first.

LIKE YOUR SELF FIRST

2009-11-01T06:46:00.000-08:00

This concept is not new, you've heard it all before. But before you stop reading, ask yourself this? Are you okay dinning out by yourself? have you taken a vacation by yourself? gone to the movies by yourself? If you can't answer any of the above; then keep reading, this one's for you. If you don't feel at ease by yourself how can you expect someone else to be at ease with you? It may seem strange at to first go solo, you may feel everyone's staring at you, but really most people are thinking to themselves I wish I had nerve to do that. When you get in a relationship at the first flush of love you want to be around that person ALL the time, but that does wear off. I feel a deal breaker for any relationship would that person who needs their partner to be by their side constantly. It's nice to be united as one, but it should be just as nice to be a separate entity from your significant other so when you do get together you can appreciate each other a lot more. Most men like sports and don't want to be disturbed while they're watching a game, so what should you do, (if you like sports, then great) but if not find something that engages your interest. Get a hobby, it could be something simple like get a book list together and start reading, or take the challenge by going to the movies alone. You can also grab a bite to eat, take a book with you to give yourself something to do while your'e waiting for the food to comeand to make you appear at ease. I'm naturally gregarious but also enjoy being by myself. It's very liberating and cool, so enjoy being in your skin and listening to one's self I feel this is the time god (or whomever you believe in) talks to you.

Once you get the alone part down to a science your partner may even start wondering what is she up to and be inclined to want to do more things together, but don't give up your ME time. Everyone needs ME time, it will keep you sane and desirable.

YEAH FOR THE SISTERHOOD!

2009-10-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

My personal cheer. What happened to it, I don't know. When I was in my teens and early 20s it was unheard of to try to sneak around, mess with or even flirt with a girlfriends man, and if you did you would be considered the worse kind of slut. But times have changed, many women these days don't have any remorse about sneaking around with another womans man, much less someone they know and call friend. Where did we go wrong, when did this become acceptable?. I can't go along with this "there aren't enough men", so you want to take or share mine? The old saying how you get them will be how you lose them always rings true. If he fooled around on his girl why in the hell would he be faithful to you. Its convenient to think she wasn't on her job, and he won't do it to me. Well yes, he will do it to you. Karma is a bitch... believe it. We are all the same, whether black, white, whatever, no one is anymore special or better than anyone else. We, collectively as women in the sisterhood need to understand that. We all live in the same universe and need to grasp the implications that what you do and put out there affects us all.

So today look to your right and left and realize we are all in the sisterhood and act accordingly!

LIFE IS?

2009-10-28T04:57:00.000-07:00

Today someone asked on their facebook page Life is?, and my answer to that was Life is what you make it, to which they responded they wanted a deeper answer. Well sometimes, there is no deeper answer. Like the book "He's just not into you" well I feel maybe he isn't. Sometimes the answer is very simple, and uncomplicated. But, we women want it to be complex or messy. He cheated because he wanted to, not because youre fat, not because you were doing anything wrong, not because his father wasn't there, he did it because he wanted to. We women have to stop falling into their defense tactic of "I cheated because __________________,(add their lame excuse here). Often times there is no excuse for their bad behavior. Also according to Steve Harvey's book "Act like a lady, Think like a man" he tells you, men are just simple creatures. We make it difficult, they give us clues, send out warning signs, but we ignore them till they come back and bite us in the ass and wonder how did this happen to me. Well it did, and we have got to stop making excuses for them and ourselves.

Start from today and, decide to be only responsible for you and you alone!

THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE

2009-10-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

Good Morning,

I'm always being asked what's the best advice I can give someone, and have to say is to live outside your box. Now first you have to ask yourself what is your box, you have to sit down and figure out how you have boxed yourself into a particular rut. Many times its the people we date, we always look for the bad boys, the artistic men, or the workaholic. If you lined up all the men I dated, the only common denominator would be that they are all men. I have dated outside of my race, younger and older. There really is not that much difference, they all have some kind of issues, I picked my men based on not looks, but there had to be something I liked about you, either you were funny, sexy, fun to be with. It didn't matter to me. Now I've been happily married to someone of my race and not outside of my box, we are very similar, like many of the same things, but I'm not the typical african-american woman, so whoever I dated had to be a little unconventional anyway.

So today, decide to be undecided, look around and ask yourself and maybe even ask friends "what do I always do that you thinkI could change,that would make an impact on my life". You maybe surprised at the answer!

Enjoy it you only get one shot at your life, dont f**k it up!

JUST GETTING STARTED!

2009-10-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

I've been asked this question many atimes, why aren't you getting paid to do this? what you may ask, talk. I think that's what I do best, talk and give advice. I have helped many people over the years, I'm the one people call when they want to know where, what and when. I'm like seinfeld, lots of something out of nothing. I'm a self-help book junkie, I love how the mind works. I've always been intriqued how different men and women are. I just finished steve harvey's book "Act like a lady, think like a man and is was very enlighting. Some things I knew, but I liked that he laid it out very simple, easy reading and no psycho babble. A must for all women, ages and color. Even though I've been happily married for about 5 years, I still felt it gave me some insight on my husband. I've been recommending to all my girlfriends and hopefully, everyone who reads it will gain some perspective on their men, and their wanna be men.